so this is wht it felt like ?
life ebbing away ...
slowly.. taking its own sweet time
she looked down at herself...
bleeding ... weak ... alone ..
oh well ...
it was probably for the best ..
the cold hard floor against her back ...
the warmth of her own blood
a gentle melody filled her ears ...
she smiled weakly ..
there was as yet no tunnel or a light ..
those fibbers .. with their promise of heaven ..
and their threat of hell ..
wudnt it be fun??
coming back n telling them to their face ..
tht they were bloody wrong ..
with all their codes .. of morally right and wrong ..
just like she alwez knew they were ..
but tht wasnt the point ..
or was it ?
her head was swimming ..
her eyelids felt like lead ..
the music seemed louder ...
wht was the point?
it had something to do with her life ....
she had to remember ...
her life ....
she was on the floor ..
mom dad ??
she smiled .. they loved her ..
so much .. it hurt ...
no.. tht wasnt the point ...
a gaping wound bleeding ...
the purposelessness of it all ??
no ... it was all meaningless .. she'd alwez felt tht ..
tht wasnt the point either ...
the ceiling was beginning to spin ...
the music shrill ...
the disgust ??
the ennui ??
the hopelessness ??
the anger ??
the helplessness ??
where did her triumph lie ??
her world was closing in on her ..
the crescendo reached ...
where did her triumph lie ??
she unclenched her fists ...
n that was it ...
liberated ... free ...
achieving in death wht in life she cud only dream of ...
the freedom ... to choose ..
let them say its wrong ...
let them say its sinful..
she was wht she was ... now ..
free from judgement .. of wht she chose..
forcing acceptance .. of wht she was ...
she chose ...
the clink of a blade ...
and all was still .